Monday, 26 May 2014


So how does this work? I'm looking out of my window right now, and it's all quite depressing. Rain is pouring down and the sky is a miserable grey - a snapshot of British summertime, and enough to drive any man insane. But when I browse through the last few photographs on my memory card, all of a sudden I'm in my happy place. Warm, soft sand sifts between my toes, bright rays of sunshine beam down on my face, beautiful women in grass skirts and half-coconut bikinis dance enchantingly before my eyes. Too far? Too creepy?
We discovered this cocktail recently. Or rather my wife did, during one of her regular afternoon boozing sessions (I might get in trouble for that). Anyway she loved it, and now I'm pretty sure I do too.
I guess you can think of a lagerita as being in the same category as a bloody mary, or even a screwdriver. Sure social decorum suggests that it's not entirely appropriate to start drinking heavily in the morning, but I feel that there might be one or two exceptions, loopholes that might be worth exploiti- ahem- considering.
Now I'm not saying that this is a 'good morning drink', because that would be highly irresponsible of me. What I am saying is that is that there's a whole load of fruit juice in a lagerita, and I normally drink fruit juice with breakfast. Do with that what you will.
Plus, you know how nobody vacuums at night because it's considered rude to your neighbours? Well for that same reason don't you think it's best to use the blender during the more sociable hours of the day? I mean that's just being a good person man.

Ingredients (1 drink)
1 part tequila
1 part triple sec or cointreau
3 parts fresh-squeezed lime juice
top up with lager
serve over crushed ice with lime wedges

Thursday, 15 May 2014

The Best Potato Salad

UK-friends, have you actually seen the weather forecast for this weekend? Because it's going to be hot. And I'm not just talking hot for Britain, no I'm talking hot hot. So now's our chance; our opportunity over the next few days to cram in as many beaches and barbecues and undercooked sausages as humanly possible - remember, if it ain't burnt, it ain't cooked. And if you're gonna be rolling out the old BBQ this weekend, why not take the time to throw together a few decent salads to go along with your burgers/dogs/chicken/steaks/lamb chops...Ok so I'm drooling and I forgot where I was going with this? Oh well, here's my recipe for the most bombastic potato salad you'll ever try.
Grab yourself some new potatoes, or Jersey Royals, which is what I used. I dunno how much...about a kilo I'd say. Chunk'em and boil for a few minutes until they're cooked but still firm, then drain and leave to cool. I realise I just told you how to boil potatoes, but since a buddy of mine at work told me about a recent date of his who neglected to drain the potatoes before she mashed them, I'm taking nothing for granted. Yeah. Let that sink in for a minute. I. Just. Can't.
Bacon. Obvs.
Ahhh dammit. See this is where drinking whilst you're cooking and then trying to remember the recipe a day or two later really becomes an issue. It's just like George's Marvellous Medicine. I'm like 99% sure what I did here was about 3 heaped tbsp of mayo, a dash of milk, a glug of olive oil, 2 tsp of garlic powder and then plenty of salt and pepper. Finely dice a green chilli pepper and toss that in there for a kick. Yeah. That's definitely the one. If you're unsure, test it on your chickens. (Mad props to the Roald Dahl fans out there who actually got that reference...)
Chop about 3-4 spring onions, your cooked bacon and a handful of cornichons ('gherkins' to normal people, 'pickles' to normal-er people).
Mix it all together, sprinkle with a few remaining spring onion pieces, and that, my friends, is a job well done - and all in the space of about 15 mins (or 2 1/2 beers). Enjoy the sun!

approx 1 kilo jersey royals
3 rasher of back bacon
3-4 spring onions
handful cornichons
3 tbsp mayo
dash milk
glug olive oil
2 tsp garlic powder
1 green chilli